I've been acting like everything is fine when I’m really messed up, ain’t been the same and everybody say I changed. Pretending I don’t notice myself fade and put my pain on pause, feeling like a clock that can’t tell time, a wine glass on the edge of trying not to fall! Heart getting heavy and not strong enough to lift what’s pushing me down, can’t run from what is chasing behind, two steps forward and four steps back. Give up and forget what it is I want back and what was, but so scared of what could be! The beginning of the end. The R.I.P. to who I used to be, emotions and bad feelings dig deeper than six feet. Lift candles, bow heads, and pray! Will we meet again one day? Built up anger enough to create a town with yellow brick roads, candy trees, and a sweet sun that never sets. This could be reality if only the roads were the roads of fire, if the candy trees were bodies to the voices in your head and if the sweet sun were the life you so desperately want to love again. A personal hell! I don’t what happened, how this started, or even why. I know I can’t keep up the act for much longer, I can’t smile in everyone’s face anymore, I can’t have fake conversations either. I’m uninterested in this life I live. But don’t worry there’s one thing keeping me grounded, one thing keeping my broken pieces glued together. That light that flickers in my creations of hell. I run to it so I can be held and feel safe surrounded by the only thing that’s not a reminder of why. I cry rivers, but a reminder of why I fight for the spark I used to have soon I won’t even remember. Soon I’ll be stuck, locked in a cage with no key, so there is no way out. All in time. . . soon enough.